Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
