sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
