My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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