Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
