ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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