Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
