go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
