And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
