You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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