Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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