im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
