Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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