this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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