I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
