3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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