Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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