i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
