I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A bitchslap is in order.
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