Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So much Jack, so little girl.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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