it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
