just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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