At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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