walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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