I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
