so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
