Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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