I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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