well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
