What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Everclear isn't food dammit
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
