I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
