it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
