Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
