we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
