I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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