remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
