Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I party with great urgency now.
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