Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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