i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
