I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
