i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
