Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
