lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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