I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How external is "for external use only"?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
