I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
