help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
