I just cut my nipple shaving
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
