he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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