Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
