Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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