I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
