just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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