i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
