I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
