I accidentally burped into my bong.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
