The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
