well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
