The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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