you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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