I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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