i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
