Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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