I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
