I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
