why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
