If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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