I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
