It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
