When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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