So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
