pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't deserve a penis
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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