Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
