So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
