tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
