Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
