after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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