so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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