I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
