he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
