So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
