My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
